just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
