his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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