I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
