Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
