"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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