I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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