So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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