you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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