Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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