is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ttyl tear gas
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
