Don't you send me to vm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
