guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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