It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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