I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
