I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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