Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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