My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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