To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
