how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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