I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
