My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
