before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The Olympian is in my bed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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