dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
