I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
