Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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