Me too!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
