The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
