I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
