Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
