She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
