She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
