Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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