I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
