I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
