i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
