Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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