You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
