I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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