she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
