I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
