woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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