One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
