why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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