does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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