it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
