the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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