Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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