And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
