brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
