this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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