She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jerry, you need to find god
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
