I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
