anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girls should come with a carfax report
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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